The Men's Edition Personal Ad Translator -
Here's what men say about themselves in their personal ads -- and what it really means:
40-ish: 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
50-ish: 65, but dyes his hair
Athletic: Never misses "ESPN Sportscenter"
Well-read: Also has a subscription to "ESPN Magazine"
Ambitious: Constantly dreams of getting two women in bed at the same time.
Educated: Will always treat you like an idiot
Free Spirit: If you start going out with him...he will eventually try to sleep with your sister
Friendship first: As long as friendship involves nudity
Fun: Big drinker
Gentle: Still lives with his mother.
Good looking: Arrogant
Gourmet cook: Can work the can opener and the microwave
Honest: Pathological Liar
Huggable: Fat guy with tons of body hair.
Like to cuddle: Insecure, overly dependent -- possibly gay
Loves candlelight dinners: Doesn't pay his electric bill
Poet: Has written on a bathroom stall
Spiritual: Goes to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday
Stable: Occasional stalker -- never arrested
Thoughtful: Says "Please" when demanding a beer
Adventurous: Peeping Tom at the neighborhood apartment complex.
Committed: Currently institutionalized...but due to get out soon.
Secure: In prison.
New on the dating scene: Just out of prison.
Well-traveled: Sees his picture on America's Most Wanted and moves on to the next town.
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