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Christmas Songs I Don’t Get

Each and every year, I joyous pull my Christmas CDs off the racks, dust ‘em off, and start listening to my favorite holiday tunes the day after Thanksgiving. Yet there are a few songs, I’ve never quite understood. Maybe my friends could shed some light on these songs, which are an enigma to me.

*”12 Days of Christmas”–it’s a classic! The Muppets even sing it and people have done some great parodies on it, but what’s it about? I mean, who give someone leapin’ lords and French hens and a pear tree with a partridge in it? Where do you even get a pear tree complete with bird? While the exact origin accounts of the song vary, this website does a great song of explaining the hidden meanings behind the song that was written to help Catholics remember principles of there faith.

*”Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer”–OK, I get this song; I just think it’s stupid. Ever since my grandma died in 2005, I can’t listen to the song. Singing the silly lyrics isn’t the same now that my grammy isn’t here with me. The song is also the subject of a lawsuit because while stupid, the song had made a ton of money since its 1979 release (Read lawsuit story.)

*Neil Diamond’s two Christmas albums–He’s Jewish. Singing about the Christ child is like heresy, isn’t it? Barry Manilow’s got a few as well.

*”Away in a Manger”–This song has always been problematic to me. I remember thinking as a kid, “Why’s Baby Jesus staying by my cradle? I’m not a baby and I don’t have a cradle.” The other line in the song that I still have trouble with is, “The little Lord Jesus, no crying he makes.” Has the writer of this song ever spent time with babies? They spend half their lives crying. My friend told me that the first two months of her daughter’s life was as follows: crying, eating, pooping, crying, sleeping, crying, eating, peeing, crying. Babies cry a lot, as it is their primary form of communication. We get the idea that baby Jesus is just lying there all happy on his bed of hay, smiling up at everyone around him, and having a gay old time. No, I’m sure he pooped…a lot and cried a lot as well. As content a baby as Jesus may have been, I seriously doubt he never cried.

*”Santa Claus Is Coming to Town”–The chorus is what really disturbs me, “He sees you when you’re sleeping/He knows when you’re awake/He knows if you’ve been bad or good.” I remember once asking an adult if Santa was God in disguise, since God could do all those things, too. Santa amounts is some sort of freaky stalker. In fact, I was sure when I was a child, that Santa was looking in my bedroom window at night. All during the Christmas season, I would change in the bathroom so Santa wouldn’t see me naked. It’s true.

*”Christmas Shoes”–It’s a sloppy, sentimental song that makes some of us cry and the rest of us want to puke. I fall into the latter category, though I often find myself singing along to the tune anyway. Here’s the question on my mind–why’s this kid out buying shoes when his momma’s dying? The thought is sweet, but in reality, if his mom does die and meet Jesus that night, she’s probably not going to be wearing the shoes he bought since they are material items. Better yet–Lifetime made a movie based on the song. Of courses they did.

Oh, well, it’s a nice thought, right? Maybe we just need to throw theology out the window and think, what a sweet kid! What a nice guy giving the kid money for those shoes! Maybe we can feel all warm and happy about the goodwill towards others and the naive wishes of a young boy who is watching his mother die. Then again, it’s a song about a kid whose mother is dying on Christmas Eve–that’s rather morbid.

*”Merry Christmas, Baby” by the Beach Boys–Since most of you probably don’t know the song, I’m going to post the lyrics.

“My baby she told me
She don’t want to hold me (oh, no!)
And kiss my lips anymore (unh-unh!)
She’s gonna leave me
And she don’t believe me
That I’ll be true now

Well maybe she don’t love me
And is not thinkin’ of me
But why’d she do it this time of year?
She knows that I’ll miss her
And I’ll want to kiss her
If just for Christmas

Merry Christmas, baby
Merry Christmas, baby
Merry Christmas, baby

Tell me, what did I do
To really convince you
That I’m not the guy anymore?
Take back my ring now
I’ll do anything now
But please forgive me

I made my mistake but
I’m willing to wake up
And never mess around anymore
Oh why did we break up?
There’s still time to make up
If just for Christmas

Merry Christmas, baby
Merry Christmas, baby
Merry Christmas, baby

I made my mistake but
I’m willing to wake up
And never mess around anymore
Oh why did we break up?
There’s still time to make up
If just for Christmas

Merry Christmas, baby
Merry Christmas, baby
Merry Christmas, baby
Merry Christmas, baby”

I could devote a whole post about what’s wrong with this song, but here’s the basic story line. Girl dumps guy because she finds out he’s been a’cheatin’, but guy promises to be true if she’ll take him back, at least just for Christmas. He asks, “Why’d she do it this time of year?” Because you chose to cheat on her at this time of year, you bonehead! Then he says, “There’s still time to make up/If just for Christmas.” That’s a nice thought, but she’ll still dump you after Christmas. If you’re lucky, she’ll stick around until New Year’s so you have someone to kiss when the ball drops.

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Tags: merry christmas songs holidays tunes reindeer albums mp3 downloads santa claus xmas greetings

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