• inboxity : Miscellaneous

Fast Food Job Application

This is an actual job application someone submitted at a fast-food establishment...

NAME: Greg Bulmash

DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.

Stumble Button Facebook Button Del.icio.us Button Digg Button Google Button

Tags: fast food job application position stock options management pens post-it car sweepstakes bahamas

Top 20 new inboxity items

True friends Views: 28585
Funky Urban Underwear Views: 24676
Trycoxagain: New Drug for Depressed Lesbians Views: 34144
Happy New Year's Greetings Views: 18218
Top 10 Jamaican Positions Views: 42280
Jamaican Puppets - My Man Views: 15906
Lady Leave Me Alone I'm Married Views: 53067
You Better Come Get Santa Views: 23774
Backwoods Camping and Fishing Trip Views: 26155
Horny Donkey Rapes Man Views: 20972
Speed Sex Olympics Views: 23225
Human Blow Up Doll Views: 18977
World Cup 2010 Re-Match Germany vs Australia Views: 18889
When I was born I was so surprised Views: 25175
Woman Wakes Up to find Intruder in her Bed Views: 21727
Auto tuned news - Antoine Dodson Views: 10577
Powerful Camera Face Detection Feature Views: 15176
Funny Renault Clio Commercial Views: 11888
Proof that Women never Listen Views: 31929
Vacancy at the FBI Assassin Views: 25151

Views: 1692
Shared: 0 times

Rate this forward:

  • Currently 3.5/5 Stars.
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5

(4 Ratings)